Clarity

You know those rare parenting moments of clarity, when everything suddenly comes into sharp focus and you look into your child's eyes and see something that you had missed before?  Admittedly, those moments don't come nearly as often as they should. 

I have been quite open here on this (nearly defunct) blog about how difficult it has been for me to parent Renie.  I love her to pieces and admire all the things about her that make her difficult to parent: Her courage, her determination, her fierce independence and refusal to be intimidated by anyone or anything.  She is a goofball and a ham, but stubborn and a bit prideful.

I have been praying, of late, for guidance in my parenting.  Not that this prayer is anything new, but I think I had recently upped the urgency of my pleas for assistance.  I wasn't thinking of Renie in particular as I prayed, just for help in my calling as a mother. 

Tonight as I played around on the computer, yelling at the girls to quiet down and go to sleep, Renie came out of the bedroom to lodge a complaint about something one of the other girls had done to her.  For some reason, (answer to prayer), in that moment, I looked at her and looked so completely through to her sweet little spirit that I was overcome with consuming love for her.  I asked her to come sit with me for a minute and she climbed into my lap and let me pull her close.  In that quiet, tender moment with her, she immediately confided in me that her classmates had been calling her names and picking on her at school.  As her tears flowed down her cheeks and splashed onto my arm, my little girl suddenly came sharply into focus before me.  Refer back to the second paragraph of this post, and you may begin to understand why this was such a tender moment for me.  She is my tough girl, sandwiched between the two boys in the family, and she does not like to show a weak or vulnerable side.  In those few minutes, I realized that I have come to treat her as if she does not have that vulnerable side and that is infinitely unfair.   I have felt that at times myself; like people expect me to be the strong one and work through things on my own, or even that things don't bother me or hurt me like they do other people.  And I have felt that it was unfair, that I wanted to be the one to cry on someone else's shoulder for a change.  But at the same time, I didn't feel comfortable exposing that vulnerability to anyone and so I just continued on in the same way.  I don't want her to feel that, in her 7 year old version of it.  Not with me.  Not with her mother. 

I am grateful Heavenly Father knows me, knows my children, and knows what we need.  I am grateful He hears and answers the pleas of an imperfect mother.  I am grateful that I was given a glimpse of my child through His eyes.  And mostly, I am grateful I have been given the opportunity to be her mother, that I have been entrusted with such an amazing, sweet spirit. 

I know this clarity will begin to fuzz and blur with time, which is why I am recording it here.  I know that coming back to read this again will help to refocus when I need it, and help me to be the mother she deserves to have.

Halloween

This will be primarily a picture post. We did NOT host our annual Halloween party this year due to scheduling conflicts. We trick-or-treated in the neighborhood with the Knouses and then had our usual Halloween dinner, with one minor change. Instead of making stew this year, I used the cheddar broccoli soup I had purchased through a school fundraiser. It was delicious and easy. We also had the mainstays- bread bowls, monster eyeballs, witches fingers, finger jello.

Thanksgiving 2011

Trying to catch up with blogging seems pretty pointless, so I'll just pick up with what is current.

This year for Thanksgiving we got together with two other (large) families for dinner. Our friends, the Howells, hosted so I was able to enjoy a completely stress-free holiday. On Wednesday I made blueberry cranberry pie, chocolate peanut butter pie, chocolate cheesecake, pumpkin cream pie, and cranberry bars. On Thanksgiving morning, Lincoln, Kennedy, and Julia went to Madison to run in the Berbee Derby 5K. I was signed up to race in the 10K, but I have been having some knee issues so I decided not to run. While they ran, I put the turkey in the oven and started on some side dishes. I made roasted root veggies, green bean casserole, and spicy teriyaki mushrooms. Renie assembled candy turkeys. I had thought this would be a great project to keep the three younger kids busy while I was working in the kitchen, but it ended up being Renie's project alone. The boys put about one candy on one turkey and then were done and just wanted to eat the pieces. Renie, however, sat there and assembled 20 turkeys, with a little help from me.



A little before 3:30 we packed up all the food and went to the Howells. Kym had a great system set up with all the food buffet style on the kitchen table and plenty of tables and seating in the basement for the 16 kids and 6 adults in attendance. We had so much delicious food! Kym and Jeff had cooked a turkey in their dutch oven and it was fantastic! They also cooked a ham, a huge pot of mashed potatoes, apple pie, pumpkin pie, chocolate pie, sweet potatoes, and stuffing. Jen was a trooper and despite having surgery on her foot the DAY BEFORE, she brought piles of rolls.

(I forgot to take any pictures. Luckily Kennedy thought of it, so she took a bunch. Unfortunately the camera was on a setting that led to lots of blurry pictures, but at least you get an idea.)


After dinner and dessert, we spent the evening playing games and laughing with great friends. And I schooled everybody in Perpetual Commotion. It had to be done.



We took the kids home at about 11:30 and put them to bed, then I picked up Jen and we went to Walmart to do some shopping. I am not a Black Friday shopper. It's just not my thing. But Jen loves to do it and wanted someone to come along and push her around in her wheelchair, in case there wasn't a motorized one available. I figured it would be fun and I could look for a few things for the kids. As it turned out, we were able to procure a motorized wheelchair so we were good to go. We split up to search out the deals we wanted and then met back up at the checkout less than an hour later. So that was the extent of my black Friday shopping: 45 minutes between midnight and 1 am.

And so, another Thanksgiving has come and gone. Time sure does fly.

NY Vacation

Back in August we made our yearly trek back to Northern New York to see friends and family. As usual, we very much enjoyed our time there and the opportunity to get our kids together with their cousins.
One of the highlights of this year's trip was taking the time to stop in Palmyra, New York on our way through. We have wanted to take the kids to see the church history sites and the temple there for a while. This time we made it happen and we had a lovely time. We stopped at the Hill Cumorah and climbed to the top.

The path was really steep, so here the kids are pretending to fall down the hill.







We then drove down the road to the Smith farm and walked in the Sacred Grove.
It was fun to bump into my niece, Molly Bryn, and cousin Alexis there.






We finished up by taking the kids to the temple. We walked around the grounds and touched the temple.






Another highlight this time was being able to attend family reunions for both Lincoln's family and my own. It was great to see extended family that I hadn't seen in ages, and lots of fun to meet so many people in Lincoln's family that I had previously not had the opportunity to meet. I was really struck by how friendly and welcoming his extended family was. They seemed genuinely excited and happy to see us. I'm so glad we were able to be there, despite Lincoln's father telling us the wrong location for the reunion. (We love you anyway, Grandpa Jesse, but we are a little concerned about the fact that you are losing your mind.) It was not easy to make the connection and we were almost ready to give up and go home but luckily we persevered and found the location.


Lincoln's aunts and uncles. You can tell from the pictures that they are a fun crew, can't you?

Lincoln and I participated in a horse tournament with his Dad and his Uncle Larry.

The kids had a blast in the pool with Grandpa Jesse.


We had to leave my reunion early in order to make it to Lincoln's, so I only got a few pictures.





Later in the evening, after going to Lincoln's reunion, we went back to my parents' for the post-reunion campfire. I don't always enjoy campfire sing-alongs these days, but I had a lot of fun at this one!






Coming soon: haying, horseback riding, and Lake Placid.

Madison Children's Museum

One hot and humid afternoon while Lauren was here, we decided to go to the Children's Museum in Madison. Our family had not been since it was redone a year or so ago. We had a lot of fun checking out the new exhibits. My cousin, Karen and her family joined us.

Walter loved the baby pit.

The big kids- right on up to Alexis who is 15- enjoyed the awesome play structure. Seriously, it was so cool.

Marley liked anything she could "drive".

Lauren and her kiddos.


Marley and her fan club.


Jesse sucked Orion into watching the electric train with him. Jesse could have watched that train for hours.





See? Cool, right?





Another fun outing. We managed to cram lots of fun stuff into the two weeks Lauren was here. More to come!