Wednesday, August 19, 2009

The Thought of Blogging Makes Me Tired...

Once again I am so far behind in blogging that it seems overwhelming to try to catch up. I'll probably go back and dig up some highlights from our summer, but right now I feel completely worn down by the summer and the stresses of parenting. I am anxiously awaiting the beginning of school on September 1st. Normally I'm sad to send the kids back and I dread the evenings of homework and the mornings of clothing fights and tired kids. This year, however, the summer has flown by in a very unstructured and chaotic manner. I feel like I've never really gotten a handle on it. As a direct result, I feel like my kids are out of control and we all need the routine and structure that the school year brings. We are happily cancelling our cable, which we really should have done at the first sign of spring, and I'm so looking forward to that distraction removed from our lives. I am also hoping that I can get a handle on my own emotions as things settle a bit. As the summer has developed into constant bickering and disobedience I've found myself way too ready with a barking reprimand or a spank on the butt. I feel like all manner of control of the situation has been stolen from me and all I can do is run around yelling at everyone in some lame attempt to stop the insanity. Of course, all I'm doing is adding to the insanity, so we continue in the vicious cycle. I am painfully aware that I will never be a homeschooler, that I need the opportunity to have some time away from my kids, calm my soul, and prepare myself to serve them better upon their return. It's funny, I always envisioned myself as being a very capable and effective mother, but find the daily grind of it is more trying for me than I ever anticipated. But never fear, I do find joy in motherhood and I love my children infinitely, I just think it's time to regroup. So I'm making my lists of changes I want to see in myself, the children, our routine, and our family in general. We'll head into September with calmer souls and a lesson learned to be better organized when summer is upon us next year.

3 comments:

Heather said...

I'm glad that I'm not the only one! :) Good luck! :)

Erin said...

i am so with you on the homeschooling thing. i could never do it. like you, i need the time apart to be a better mother. glad to know i am not the only one who struggles!

Steph @ Diapers and Divinity said...

Honey, I would be as good at homeschooling as I'm at skiing. Humiliatingly poor. And then loathe myself. So lets raise a glass (of chocolate milk) together on the first day of school. I'm with you, girl.

p.s. I thought the other day that you guys should come visit us some time. We have two empty double beds and we could round up some sleeping bags and mattresses for kids. If you ever need a place to get away to ...