Friday, January 16, 2009

Job Requirements

I have determined that if I am ever struck by anosmia I will have to resign from my job of mother. It is absolutely critical that you have the ability to smell in this business. In fact, I have also come to the conclusion that as a mother I am required to perform Smell Tests much much too often. You know what I'm talking about.
Example 1
You're at playgroup. There is the scent of foul diaper in the air. All mothers with a child in diapers are required to cram their noses against their li'l darlin's bum and determine whether or not they are the guilty party.
Example 2
You are at home and you have 2 (or more)children still in diapers. The scent of fouled diaper is heavy in the air. You are required to smell all your li'l darlin's bums until the source is found.
Example 3
Your children have brought their laundry to the laundry room and as you are sorting it, you come across items you know for a fact they did not wear. They have been mixed in with dirty laundry now, though, so you must sniff them to determine if they now have to be washed.
Example 4
You put in that last load of laundry late in the evening last night, then forgot to switch it to the dryer before going to bed. Now you must perform a smell test to determine if the laundry has soured and needs to be washed again.
Example 5
You open the fridge to get out lunch items and are nearly knocked off your feet by the odor of some rotten, forgotten item lurking in the depths thereof. Now you must follow your nose to the source.
Example 6
A sick child wakes in the night. You go to their room and open the door a crack. Without disturbing them with a light you need to discover whether or not they have thrown up. You must stick your nose in the crack and sniff deeply.
Example 7
You walk in the front door to your home and a peculiar scent greets you. It is decidedly unpleasant, but you don't know where it is coming from. You must follow your nose, probably to a dirty diaper in the depths of the couch.
Example 8
You get into your car. Proceed with #7 until you discover an unidentifiable rotten item in a sandwich bag in the depths of the seat pocket.
Need I go on? I would be rendered completely incapable of fulfilling my duties as a mother without my highly developed sense of smell.

And while I was looking for a nose image online I came across this. Click it.


Steph @ Diapers and Divinity said...

so true, so true. great post!

jessica, jessie, or jessi said...

Okay - I rarely laugh out loud when reading blog posts - especially when I'm alone (or in this case enjoying some toddler-free time with my newest little one resting in a sling I'm wearing :), but this had me cracking up! It's ALL so true!!! I'm guilty of every example a million times over! I have to say my least favorite is the 'sticking the nose in the crack of the door to determine if someone has vomited'.. LOL!! Fortunately for me, however, when I'm faced with example #2 there is no question who the offending diaper is.. I have a toddler in diapers (who eats all kinds of food/non-food items) and a newborn whose poo - in comparison - smells like roses.

Thanks for the laugh! I woke Norah up, but it was so worth it!!! :)