So I've been off the blood thinners for a few weeks now (anyone not up to speed with my health, and why would you be, really?) should know that in March of 2007 I developed DVT, or a blood clot in the deep vein of my leg) and I must confess that I'm a bit panicky about it. In fact, I feel a bit like Sue. I find myself in bed at night and if I feel any pain at all in the general area of the clot I get all worked up. I think, I need to ask my husband for a Priesthood blessing in the morning. Then I think, Wait! Was that a prompting? Do I need to ask him for one RIGHT NOW? Can it wait until a more convenient time or is the Spirit telling me that if I don't I'll be dead by morning?! I think I'm short of breath, I'm SURE I'm short of breath. That's it, it's in my lung! Breathe slowly, deep breaths. I'm not short of breath, right? There's no way I can wake Lincoln up and ask for a blessing right now. He'd be so irritated NO ONE would get any spiritual direction. But isn't inconveniencing my husband better than being dead!? OK, OK I'm just working myself up for nothing. It can wait. But I'll say an extra prayer that I don't die before morning. What would become of the kids? Would Lincoln move back near our families so they could help out? They would miss me so much. Jesse and Renie and Devon wouldn't even really remember me eventually. Kennedy and Julia would even struggle to remember specifics. Would they remember good things? Have I been a good enough mother? Or would they remember a hag? I need to be nicer. If I was nicer maybe I would have the Spirit with me in more abundance and I could be sure whether I am needing a blessing right now or if it can wait.
And begin cycle again.
But I think I'm progressing. I've discovered that when I've exercised, especially lots of running/stairs/squats that area gets over taxed and then hurts, not from the clot changing, but from the strain on the veins in the legs. It gets very heavy when I exercise too, the increased blood to the area and restricted circulation are not a pleasant combo. So I think I'm understanding the pain more, but I think it will take me a long time to get over fearing that the clot will block the area too much causing another clot to form which will just happily sail its way to my lung. But I also feel silly complaining about, like people are thinking I need to get over it and quit using it as an excuse in my exercise class. Like, if you're out of shape just admit it and quit belly-aching about your "clot" wink wink. I mean wasn't that like 2 years ago? 20 months actually. But since I don't have to see your face as you read this I'll just say It's hard to exercise. It really truly is. Hard and frustrating because when I'm not pushing it, the leg is fine. But once that blood is pumping, it feels like it weighs a hundred pounds. My doctor told me that even before you start exercising the brain, knowing you plan on exercising later in the day, tells your heart to pump some extra blood down to those legs cause they're going to need it. And so it will begin first thing in the morning on exercise days. So there you go. More info then you wanted, I know.
And one last thing- Am I the only one who is reluctant to ask my husband for a blessing? Or do you call upon your husband freely?